I just dont know anymore….. It really feels like I dont know a damn thing. At the end of the day it all boils down to that one question I ask myself “who am I?” I keep erasing what I write, but why? Im afraid to admit the truth to myself, that its all wrong, everything…. my strengths have become my weaknesses. Trying so hard to not be weak has lead me to become to pround. Am I too proud? or is it the fact that I know I cant take back anything Ive done….
If you fail at communicating your feeling you fail at at everything
Ive found this to be very true
If you fail at …
O’s big book of my life (Your mind/ Your body)
Without a doubt I do not have a perfect life. Im 20 years old, divorced, have a one year old very beautiful child (which right now seems to be the only perfect part of my life and she will always be the perfection of my life) and I can hardly get by (my gas almost got shut off this month). Some how or some way I needed an outlet, and that is when I found Oprah’s book that I had bought when I was In highschool. Started reading the book a few days ago and wanted to share parts of the book that not only I could relate to, but others as well. So far I am currently In the section of Your mind/Your body. If I could sum up the first few pages In s few word it would be The Biggest Problem In America, obesity, which I can understand. Im not tipping the scales when It comes to my weight but I know Im not on the healthy side. Ever since my split this year I have noticed that I have packed on a few pounds (Probably due to stress). The few pounds have never really been a problem for me because ive learned to work with what you have however I really do want to make a change In my life.
First page was titled Why Is It So Damn Hard To Change? Yes! that has been my question for the longest time. I have noticed it is hard to change. We all say at some point that Im going to give up those shitty foods that I eat and start eating healthy again. Next day we are found in the Mcdonalds drive through ordering a number three. The problem is we are actually addicted to some of these foods because they trigger the same chemicals sent to the brain that are also sent when people do things such as hard drugs, nicotine, alcohol, shopping or even sex. That explains alot!
Think Like a Thin Person. Easy to be said than done! I read that title and right away I thought ‘bullshit!’ But as I read on I understood what they were talking about. Thin people eat very little and much more healthy than the average american. Like today, I went through the Mcdonalds drive thru. I could have Instead replaced that hunger with water or carrots. Just simple changes like these make all the difference. The fist step to anything is having an understanding
dream diary
Got up this morning and grabbed my notebook as soon as I could cause I knew I would forget this dream If I didnt write it down. By now I can only remember fragments so It was a good thing I wrote it down. I have been really starting to pay attention to my dream when I can. Not really sure why I started, maybe because no one else can really tell me something this detailed about my life. I really do feel like a complicated individual sometimes so that could be why I started… to possibly try and understand myself better and to tell myself things I need to hear. This morning I spent depicting my dream so bear with me hear because I was able to find lots of symbolism
Rain
To see and hear rain falling symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.
School
To dream that you are in school signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about your performance and abilities. If you are still in school and dream about school, then the dream may just be a reflection of your daily life and has no special significance.
Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a “spiritual learning” experience
Sex
To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually. Perhaps you need to bring the same sense of adventure into your
existing relationship.
To see others having sex in your dream refers to your own desires of being more adventurous in your own sex life.
Maid
To see or have a maid in your dream suggests that you are depending too much on others for their help. You need to be more independent and look after your own self.
Celebrities
To see a celebrity in your dream represents your beliefs and understanding about him or her. Consider what the celebrity is famous or known for and how you relate to that quality. Something in you waking life has triggered these similar beliefs and feelings. It is not uncommon that your obsession with a certain celebrity may carry over onto your dream world. Celebrities are often seen as heroes and all that is mighty. Also consider any puns within the name.
(not really sure how I can find any puns in watching jake gyllenhaal having sex with a maid, but ok)
People
To see people you know in your dream signifies qualities and feelings of them that you desire for yourself. If these people are from your past, then the dream refers to your shadow and other unacknowledged aspects of yourself. It may represent a waking situation that is bringing out similar feelings from your past relationships
Superhero
To dream that you are a superhero represents your above-average talents, ideas, and other hidden abilities that you may not realize you possessed. Alternatively, the dream parallels some extraordinary problem or issue that you are trying to deal with in your waking life. You need to approach the issue head on.
Homeless
To dream that you are homeless indicates that you are feeling powerless and insecure. You are unsure of yourself and where you are headed.
Hotel
To see a hotel in your dream signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. You need to temporarily escape from your daily life. Alternatively, the dream may imply a loss in your personal identity.
Batman
To see Batman in your dream suggests that you need to utilize your wits and resources in order to help yourself or others. Perhaps your are not maximizing your full potential. You need to unleash the power from within. Stop looking for shortcuts to get you where you want. Alternatively, the dream implies that there is some wrongdoing that you need to rectify
Its nice to hear things that are true and that no one else can really tell me but the puzzling part is when you can do nothing about it. Well guess ill see what the future holds for me
sleepwalking
There has only ever been one other time in my life that I have slept walked. I was around twelve or thirteen and was living at my sisters fathers house because my mother was arrested. He saw me walking around and told me “brianna go back to bed” and I did exactly that. My most recent event was just a few days ago that I had slept walked again. My boyfriend had told me that I got up out of bed and started looking through the sheets. When he asked me “what are you doing babe?” I replied “I got pictures from overseas”. Silly I know but this event also grabbed my attention because I have been having sleeping problems for a few weeks now. I did some reserch and this is what I came up with
Sleepwalking aka somnambulism, is a sleep disorder. Sleepwalking happens during a slow wave sleep stage in a state of low consciousness and can do things that we normally do when we are of consciousness. some of the things people can do while sleep walking include sitting up in bed, walking to the bathroom, and cleaning, or as hazardous as cooking, driving, violent gestures, grabbing at hallucinated objects, or even homicide.
(ahhh creepy!!)
sleepwalking in children can happen because of slow maturation. Apparently sleepwalking can be a trait passed down to children but I dont know about that one because it never happend to my parents. Other reasons that might increase the slow sleep stage that causes sleepwalking are Sleep deprivation, Chaotic sleep schedules, Stress, Alcohol intoxication, Drugs such as sedative/hypnotics (drugs that promote relaxation or sleep), neuroleptics (drugs used to treat psychosis), stimulants (drugs that increase activity), and antihistamines (drugs used to treat symptoms of allergy). In all studies, the dream the person was having while they were sleepwalking they will forget. however I did get some clues to what I was dreaming about so I took it on myslef to look up the possible meaning of my dream
Picture
To see a picture in your dream symbolizes a mental imprint that remains persistent in your mind. Your actions are irreversible. There is no turning back in what you do. Also consider the pun on “picture this” or “seeing the big picture” in a situation. In particular, if the picture is in black and white picture, then it indicates that you need to consider opposing viewpoints. Alternatively, it may mean that you need to add more color and pizzazz to your life.
To dream that you are hanging a picture represents acceptance the image that is depicted in the picture. You have come to an understanding or compromise regarding the situation.
To dream that you are taking a picture suggests that you need to focus more attention on some situation or relationship. Perhaps, you feel that you need to recapture some past moments in a relationship. Alternatively, taking a picture refers to your desires to hold onto a certain moment in your life.
To see a blurry picture in your dream suggests that your memory of the depicted event, incident, or people, is fading. Perhaps you need to let go of the past and stop holding on to what was and concentrate on what is. On the other hand, you are attempting to disguise a situation and refusing to see it as it really is. You need to learn acceptance.
Lose
To dream that you lose something indicates that you may really have misplaced something that you had not realized yet. It may also be a signal for you to clean out and reorganize your life. Perhaps you are overwhelmed and distracted with the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life. Alternatively, losing something often coincides with a significant life change or waking issue.
On a symbolic note losing things in your dream suggests lost opportunities, past relationships or forgotten aspects of yourself. Your personal associations to the thing you lose will clue you into the emotional meaning and interpretation of your dream.
hopefully someday Ill be comfortable enough to get a good nights rest.
dreams
Funny things arnt they? some people have gore styled dreams, and others dream peacfully about their desires. whatever type of dream you having its trying to tell you something you wont hear. I believe a dream is a subconscious thought that we ignore trying to come out. If you take the time to depict your dream like i did you may be surprised what you find. my dream that i had last night was that i was looking to buy a dog and i was eating chocolate dog treats. Gross I know but here is what i found
To dream that you are buying a dog indicates your tendency to buy your friends or buy compliments and favors. Alternatively, it suggest a need for you to find companionship
To eat dog food in your dream suggests that you need to address some animalistic or primitive thoughts. You may be battling fidelity or loyalty issues in a relationship.
To dream that you are eating alone signifies loss, loneliness, and depression. You may feel rejected, excluded, and cut off from social/family ties. Eating may be a replacement for companionship and provide a form of comfort. Alternatively, eating alone reflects independent needs. Also consider the pun, “what’s eating you up?” in reference to anxiety that you may be feeling.
To eat chocolate in your dream indicates that you are embracing your own sensuality
a little more than i thought but its always good to know what your heart is telling your head
~ a dream is a wish the heart makes
My princess
